Kayak Fear

[Gingerman]

Among Eskimos, who rely on kayaks for hunting and fishing, and keeping alive. Not just for fun, there is a phenomenon that I am experiencing these days: Kayak Fear.

One day, an Eskimo hunter happily walks down to the sea-shore, and goes to jump into his trusty craft, and realizes that he just can't do it. That there is nothing stupider than getting into a little, light-weight tiny boat to go out a skewer a whale. He just can't do it. If he doesn't get over it, people can die. I don't know how they deal with it.

Over the last couple of months, this has happened to me. I ain't trying to poke a whale, but the results are the same. I had a head injury and have lost my balance, and getting into a wobbly boat is hard, but this is real fear. I used to do white water rescue, and pulled three dead folks out over time, and these images are with me still, but this is just an excuse.

What's the worst thing that can happen? I'll get wet. I'm doing serious white water; mainly lakes. But the idea of crossing the Potomac river at Washington D.C. is just beyond me. It makes me dizzy to write about it.

Has anyone had a similar experience, or have any suggestions how to deal with it? I used to be totally comfortable on and in the water, I would run class three rapids on my butt, with just a life vest, and would like to be that way again.